okay now i’m pissed

August 29th, 2010 | 1 | Comments Off

This blog really piss me off. I’m moving to blogspot.

http://mares411.blogspot.com/

Arequipa, the white city

August 29th, 2010 | south american trip 2010 | Comments Off

As the bus kept going on, we passed through several villages that were only built within the valleys. Only the valleys here are able to trap enough moisture from the aerosols drifted above the pacific ocean so that very limited plants can be cultivated and animals can be raised for food. I read it on a half-collapsed wall saying Guillen-Yamila, which must be the name of the village, and I saw a shabby school with very basic facilities. There are really people everywhere whom are so willing to help educating the poor and the ones in need of help that they dedicate their lives in a place where we “city people” will never want to stay for even a day. It reminded me of the age-old question: How do we define happiness? Apparently everyone knows that money cannot give us everything, so where and how do we find our ultimate joy of life? How do we arrive in the sacred ground where we can find our hearts at peace and reach the eternal tranquility and blissfulness? (okay don’t tell me I’ll be there when I pass away) As a great majority of us are always looking for more money, being more successful, getting more fame, leading a more materialized life as the value of this society has internalized and deeply rooted within us, we get greedy everyday and are so confused and worried about the future. We look for an answer that we might never be able to get from our “modernized” lifestyle and our ravenous appetite toward a more and more materialized lifestyle. Confusion. Worrisome. Fear. Avarice. Discontent. And there is always pain following them. So it led me to wonder how the life of these people is like? They might start a day at 5AM everyday, just like us. And they work and struggle in order to survive, just like us. But unlike the highly specialized labors and complicated interpersonal and social relationships we have to deal with everyday, there might only be dozens of people living in the village and everyone knows everyone. They might goto bed before 7PM because there simply is not enough electricity to lit the village at night. The only thing they will worry about is probably if there will be enough rain this year and if the winter will be too cold to get through. Every man has things to worry about. Feeling worried about the basic needs of life is the product of animal evolution that has secured our survival for millions of years. But as requirements for survival get fewer, desire lessens, life gets simpler, perhaps they feel happier?

Unlike most tourists traveling in Perú, I skipped the Nazca lines. Nazca lines are amazing man-made wonders that are still a mystery to the archeologists today in terms of the purpose of making such gigantic glyphs on the ground that can even be seen from the space. Some say they made them as part of the ceremonial ritual worshipping the gods, some even say those lines are for communications with the aliens, but no one knows for sure why the Nazca people built them more than a thousand years ago. Despite its mysteriousness which very often arouse my curiosity for exploring more about it, for experience I can imagine exactly how it feels, like flying a small plane over the Nazca lines just for a 20-minutes-not-so-clear bird view, which I can easily have better covers and descriptions from books and internet, I would rather save up the money for renting the charter and spend it on something else.

After 16 hours of ride, the bus finally arrived in Arequipa’s terminal terrestre (the way they call the bus terminals in Perú) at around noon. Taxi drivers looking for business virtually packed all the terminals here in Perú, no matter what time it is, so I easily got a taxi ride to the hostel I was staying in. Arequipa is called the white city because most buildings in the old times were built from the white volcanic rocks brought back from the volcanos surrounding the city. Arequipa’s most famous place is at the square of Plaza Arma. For some reason, there are Plazas Armas in virtually all major cities in Perú, and they are usually the center of the city which serves as one of the main tourist attractions. The Plaza Arma of Arequipa is surrounded by white buildings and a church, and in the middle is a fountain where local people enjoy hanging out after work. The spaniards built a huge amount of churches in south america during their invasion and colonization, trying to transform the native “pagans” into catholics. So you can basically see churches everywhere in south america. I am really not a big fan of churches and always tend it skip them although they seem to be one of the favorite spots for touristy tours, perhaps because they are easier to guide through and a perfect “time-killer” for the tour guides.
In the hostel, I met an israeli girl who was a lawyer back home. She did not like her job very much and had quit her job to travel in south america for months. For some reason, I found that quite a lot of lawyers hate their jobs and chose to quit within 5 years despite years of studying and fierce competitions. Perhaps no matter what we do, we shall all come to one final question at last: How does what we do define and give out a meaning to our lives? Some people are contented by being rich alone and stop at the level of a materialized lifestyle . But when people are smart enough, they will inevitably access another level of self-inspection which very often gives them pain, and sometimes, lonesome. They introspect themselves constantly and are frequently fretted by their own questions. Perhaps sometimes, being not too smart and primitive is a bliss indeed. We walked together to the Plaza Arma for a lunch in a peruvian version chinese restaurant, which they called chifa here in Perú.

Lima to Arequipa

August 14th, 2010 | south american trip 2010 | Comments Off

I have planned this trip for a whole year, starting 2009 summer. At first there were 5 of my friends from all over the places that were interested in going with me. But nevertheless, they all dropped out at last because of issues pertaining to work. As a student, I am the only lucky one to have been able to execute my plan. So on August 3rd, 2010, the immediate next day after finishing my USMLE step 1, I embarked on a two and a half months trip all alone in South America, traveling from Perú, via Brazil, to Uruguay and Argentina.

Miami is the best city in the states to fly to major South American cities. To save up some cost in transportation, my flights bypassed Miami (USA), São Paulo (Brazil), and it took me about 30 hours to get from New York City to Lima. On my way from São Paulo to Lima, I met a brazilian mother and her son who speak only portuguese and some spanish. While I only speak mandarin, english, and a very limited spanish, we still managed to communicate well. Sometimes a combination of fragmented sentences and sign languages can work just as well! I learned that her husband is working in Lima. So although they live in São Paulo, they travel frequently between São Paulo and Lima. I explained to them where Taiwan is, and they were amazed of me traveling alone from a place so far way. They were so friendly and really alleviated some of my nervousness to travel all alone in countries that do not speak english at all.

Lima has a very nice and modern airport, almost to the extent that I feel ashamed of our international airport in Taiwan. But I guess the fact that a great part of the Peruvian economy relies on tourism must have motivated them well enough to spend so much money in building a new and good-looking airport. However, once I got on the taxi and rode into the city of Lima, the image changed dramatically. The moment I was out of the airport, the road started to get bumpy, and the typical impression of a poor south american city overlapped with the reality. To ride a taxi here, you have to negotiate with the taxi driver for the price first before you hop on. So the taxi drivers are always in a rush, trying to get their customers to their destinations asap. My taxi driver serpentined and cut in lanes and honked like every 5 seconds, trying hard to shorten the journey for only a few minutes, while I was seated nervously at the backseat, anxious about a possible upcoming traffic accident. I had always thought Taiwan probably has one of the worst traffic in the world. All drivers in Taipei have to drive like a pro in order to survive in such a rough driving environment, which the roads are narrow and the taxis dashing around looking for customers like a feeding frenzy of sharks. But now I know Taipei is at least beaten by Lima in how bad the traffic condition can be. As I was anxious about ending my life in any second, I did not stop observing the city. Just outside the airport, I saw a shabby guy lying face-down on the traffic island. His posture of facing down on the ground was not very natural, almost looked like someone being gunned down. Standing right by him was a girl in a dusty traditional clothing with red and black stripes, perhaps only 10 years old, holding a tray of tacky merchandise, trying hard to haggle with the passersby. And as I started to penetrate deeper into Lima, apparently they were not an exception of the city. They signified my entering the world of Perú, where poverty is a norm of life.

I followed the suggestion of Lonely Planet to leave Lima asap, so I only stayed in Lima for a very short 6 hours. Some people told me never to believe what the Lonely Planet said in the book, however I found the description of Lima to be quite genuine. I had known how ugly Lima is for a while from the movie Motorcycle Diary, a movie about how Che Guevara’s grand trip changed his life and motivated him to embark on his revolution causes all over South America. Perú is a land of grandeur. Countless mountains of the Andes traverse the land, cutting out valleys and canyons where the Incas built their castles of stones. After the spaniards invaded and destroyed the Incan Empire in 1535, they thought Cusco was too far away, so they built the port city Lima. In the movie, there was a comparison of the two cities with two screenshots played one after the other. I was shocked back then. And now I am shocked again, in the real city of Lima.

After about 40 minutes of ride, I arrived at the bus terminal of Cruz del Sur (Cross of the South), the biggest bus service provider in Perú. The initial agreement of the taxi fare was $50 soles (abbreviated and plural form of the peruvian currency “nuevo sol”, or literally “the new sun”. One sol is approximately 0.4 US dollars, or 12 NT dollars). But all along the ride, he kept complaining to me how hard he has to work everyday and how much he will be deducted by his supervisor for each deal made. After the ride through the Lima city, I was still shocked by the living environment of the civilians of Lima, and I gave way to him and agreed to pay him $55 soles. And this was my first “donation” in Perú.

When I learned that all tickets to Arequipa had all been sold out in Cruz del Sur and the next bus available was the next morning, I became a bit nervous. I had only 12 days in Perú, and every day was planned. If I missed this bus and spent an extra day in Lima, I might end up canceling some trips. Fortunately, I found another company named Inclusivo just around the corner and got one of the last two spots to leave for Arequipa! What a close call! After securing my ticket to Arequipa, I decided to roam around the Miraflores to find a bank for money exchange and to visit the Peruvian Museo de la Nación. The bank teller in the Interbank (the most common bank in Perú where you can exchange for soles with traveler’s checks) was a young guy who just graduated from college. He told me he had been practicing to speak english for eight consecutive weeks and was really excited to talk to me in english. It seems like it was either there were not many english-speaking customers for a while or I was such a rare asian guy to visit the area, two other tellers (while there were only 4 of them in the bank at that moment) dropped their work at hand and came to help him out in figuring out how to deal with the traveler’s checks and talked with me in turn in english on totally unrelated issues, leaving local peruvians waiting in line, livid and confused. I never knew being an asian guy who speaks english would make me a VIP in a peruvian bank! After leaving the bank, I got lost in the street on my way to the museum. But some friendly local peruvians were always there giving me a hand in locating my destination, and I finally got to the museum after about an hour of wondering around.

Museo de la nación was a building much smaller than I thought, considering it to be a “national” museum. There were only 3 levels open to the public on that day, and quite out of my expectation, exhibitions pertaining to the indigenous cultures comprised only a very small portion. All legends were in spanish, so it took me much effort to read and understand every single line. And I just had to give up reading everything (which is really not my style when visiting a museum I am interested in) and moved on to the next level. But at the last level, I learned about the “Sendero Luminismo (Shining Path)”, a Maoist communism party that started in 1980 trying to overthrow the Peruvian government. The exhibition was made in a photojournalist way, with shocking images taken during those bloody events. There were several images that left a huge impression on me, especially a boy with a scar on his face who had been rescued out from a shining path’s camp. It was a face of a 13 years old that you would never forget once you saw it. Given that there were only less than 4 hours for me to finish the museum and return to the bus terminal, and the sun was already setting, I made some quick notes and took several pictures before I found my way back to the Inclusivo.

The bus ride took about 16 hours to get to Arequipa, so I basically had to sleep on the bus. The seat was actually quite comfortable and could be lowered to almost 180 degree when I felt like sleeping. There were movie channels that I could choose from, but they were all dubbed in spanish. I only finished the Edge of Darkness, casted by the old Mel Gibson, before I got too tired by watching a spanish-speaking movie for 2 hours. I soon felt asleep. When I woke up in the morning at 7:30AM, dim light sieved through the fog from the distant horizon into our bus. And for the first time after I hopped on that bus, I could see what was going on outside. The bus was advancing slowly uphill in a land surrounded by endless sand dunes and clay-colored rocks. There were almost no plants. It was so arid that it reminded me of an old movie Dune. I touched the window, and it was icy cold. It should be below 10 degree celsius outside. Suddenly, I saw an indigenous people carrying a sag half the size of himself, walking alone in this arid world of sand dunes. Our bus went past him in less than two seconds, leaving him in clouds of dust. While we were complaining how tiring the school work or our job was and slept in in the morning, there were people who had to trudge through these dessert every morning carrying sags we would probably not have to carry in a life time in order to earn a meal to survive. Then I thought of the bus driver, whom had driven for 12 hours already without resting. As a doctor-to-be, do we doctors really have the right to complain about working overtime after thinking about these people’s condition?

A start

August 14th, 2010 | south american trip 2010 | Comments Off

In the past, I have written blogs in different forms starting from my freshman year in college. And I feel that by forcing myself to write, no matter on what issues, it became an important process for developing my ability to think and reason critically. And this time, I am going to try to do it in english. If you know the physiology of a human brain, it is conceivable to argue that there is a threshold of age for learning languages and obtain new knowledge. I am 29 this year already. And although I have tried hard to maintain my ability to soak up new information and process and integrate these knowledge to do reasoning and independent thinking, I know in years my mind inevitably is going to become rigid someday. I will no longer be so open-up to all the wonders and diversities the world present to me like I used to be, and I will lose the ability to roam the world of intellects so freely and without boundary. So I guess this is the time that I have to make a breakthrough of myself. I have been in touch with english for more than 2 decades, but I have never been able to master it like a native speaker. I know I can blame it on the environment, since in Taiwan most people have little chance to practice speaking it. But I guess I have to be responsible for it myself in some respect. I had all the resource I need to really master this language, and the problem is just that I did not make the best use of them and urged myself hard enough to learn it well.  But anyhow, this can be a start.

My trip in South America has just entered the 10th day today, after finishing the magnificent Machu-Pucchu. The adventure in Perú will come to an end in 2 days, and my next stop will be Brazil. I guess if I keep slacking off on keeping my diary, I will be overwhelmed soon. And this is the trip of a lifetime which I won’t allow the precious memory to fade away with time. I will just force myself to keep the diary whenever I have time, to preserve the experience while it is still fresh, and to level my intellectual power to a higher ground.

Dr. House wanna-be

January 30th, 2010 | Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

2008年4月 我剛滿27歲 經歷了人生的重大轉折 不知不覺也過了一年半

我放棄了自己的那顆北極星 心中早已沒了夢想

現在想的盡是些俗氣的東西 如何成功 如何變有錢 如何穩固我未來的物質生活

或許只是年紀到了吧 明瞭了一些現實的道理

或是也早就明瞭了 只是不願接受 所以一直以來都在不切實際地追尋與眾不同

來這邊念書 對向來有名校情節的我來講 實在是很大的妥協

不過既然早已成為行屍走肉 不管曾經多麼地不滿和不屑 現在也都已經接受了

物質慾這麼強烈的我 太貪心 想要的東西太多 結果就是沒辦法貫徹自己的夢想

以前太幸福了 導致於夢想流於理想化

沒有了夢想 但喜歡挑戰未知的心還在 或許這還是值得慶幸的

el mochilero de América Latina

August 25th, 2009 | Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

nyc27772

抓住青春的尾巴之拉丁美洲背包客流浪團

Tiempo:
starting early- to mid-August 2010, prone to change
Duracíon:
3 weeks~1 month
Destino:
Chile, Peru, Argentina, Brazil
Miembros potenciales:
3-4 ppl, 5 at most. Looking for adventurous, healthy, and brave
individuals who are deeply attracted by the mysterious and exotic
Latin America. Knowing some Spanish would be a plus. Male preferred.

嘴炮打了幾年 一直沒成行 一方面是真沒找到空閒時間 一方面心態其實也開始老了
明年夏天我就29歲了 人生不能回頭 再不完成這個夢想 他就要離我而去
時間很殘酷 不等人 也不容許回頭 時間點一過 旅行的意義就再也不一樣

人生苦短 所以要一口氣!

有興趣的請和我連絡: sr.yeoh@gmail.com

潛水鐘

November 15th, 2008 | Uncategorized | Comments Off

最近MSN上一整排都換成
BERLIN叔叔你快醒來吧

我並不認識這個人
但是我知道他中風了

身體靜靜的躺在病房裡
像是一場好夢般的熟睡的樣子

當我們把回到現實趨動身體這個機器人的鑰匙弄丟了
在指揮艇那片玻璃外面是什麼天空?

深愛你的人終於在你眼前真實
他的愛不再因為心裡 面子 禮數 那些衝突
轉化成諷刺 攻擊 和 冷漠

你可以真正的看見他的眼淚和脆弱
那種你們本來吸引彼此
最純粹可愛的部份

你也真正的看到自己
這個身體或許是你悲傷的把他放下
但它也悲傷的接受你的選擇時
或許你會發現悲傷的是這個曾經單方面的決定
或許更悲傷的是
當時怎麼都不懂呢?
怎麼都沒看到那些
從來都忽略的美麗呢?

也或許你已經離開了
你留下一件情人的毛衣 躺在地球這個綢密的衣櫃裡
是我們不知道該如何找到你

所以只好不是很聰明的跟毛衣輕輕的呼喚希望你回來

潛水鐘跟蝴蝶
這部小說我一直沒去翻
我知道這是一個全身中風只剩眼球轉動的人的故事
他用眼球上下把一本書寫完

或許有人認為這很悲傷
但是這樣的悲傷無所不在

路邊叫吼的流浪者
路邊對著空氣生氣大笑流眼淚的人
路邊戴著耳機的人
路邊追著你說話 你充耳不聞的人
路邊你追著他的身影 他從來不看你一眼的人
路邊擁抱在一起 卻只是擁抱愛情的幻想的人們

我在吃飯時 這一間餐廳像一條河流動著
我們是如此的忙碌的以為
我們各自孤獨又身處在一起

只要空中一陣濃煙 或是一道晚香
我們的世界就會頓時傳送到一起
或者又回到 聽從的 對話的 看的 那好幾個不一樣的次元裡

雖然我不認識你
我也不知道你會不會醒來

但我也祝福你
柏林先生

-anonymous

Being alive

October 7th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

  I went to the woods to live deliberately.
  I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.
  To put to rout all that was not life.
  And not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.

  -H.D.T.

nanotechnology in the future

March 12th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 2 Comments »


alt : http://www.youtube.com/v/IX-gTobCJHs&rel=1&border=0

Morph – a concept conceived by Cambridge NanoTech and Nokia for future nanodevice

 S-U-P-E-R-C-O-O-L…

假如bioengineering哪一天真的能有所突破 可以將生物體內的分子機制拿來實作
像是把葉綠體和粒腺體嵌合進人造細胞 外面照層具透光透氧能力的耐米金屬保護膜 
用來當生物電力供應 原料是二氧化碳和水 廢棄物則是水和氧氣和二氧化碳 
或是做出人工的chromatophore 以耐米機械誘導signal transduction控制細胞變色
或是做出人造的機械stem cell 必要時會分化 會再生 讓機器永遠保持光鮮亮麗
那樣的世界會是怎樣的世界呢

有時候真想多活個幾百年 看看人類未來到底能走到什麼地步

人的選擇不過是錯覺?

March 1st, 2008 | Uncategorized | 15 Comments »


“Consciousness may be a byproduct of the brain’s indefinitely complex
system. There is already evidence that conscious choice may be an
afterthought, an affirmation delivered by the “higher” parts of the
brain to justify tasks already underway.”

- 意識 很可能只是我們極其複雜的腦 在運作中產生的副產物
早已有證據指出 我們在有意識下所作的選擇 很可能不過是假象罷了
不過是我們腦內更高層的區域 在”事後”確認已經在進行的事實 -

這是這期的California雜誌(UC Berkeley校友出版的雙週刊)的封面故事
闡述UCSF和Berkeley’s Helen Will’s Neuroscience Institute的研究發現

人類的神經生物學(neuroscience)已經正式進入第二個generation
在過去二十年來大量的資料累積之下 現代的神經生物學家終於可以開始從物質的角度
展開對人類精神文明的探索 換句話說 直接粉碎我們人類一直引以為傲的”靈魂”
就如上期的時代雜誌封面闡明的 -人類的愛 不過是種複雜的化學反應-

很shocked的是 這個”我們的選擇不過是事後承認”的idea並不是我第一次聽到 
一開始 竟然是從一本漫畫接觸到這個想法!

日本有本很著名的sci-fi漫畫-銃夢(Gunmm)
他的作者木城幸人一直是我認為可與士郎正宗(Ghost in the shell作者)齊名並列的鬼才
銃夢雖然是部漫畫 但裡面羅列了各式各樣的科學素材
從太空物理 量子物理 認知心理學 形而上學 分子生物/細胞學 乃至近代神經生物學
以solid science建構出一套極其前衛 卻又言之成理的架空世界

這個afterthought說法 在神經生物學界或許已經被提出了好幾年
但是絕對是相當新穎 建築在現有科學證據上的看法
但是我竟然可以在銃夢II大概兩年前左右的連載裡面看到!
這個作者也太博學了吧! 上知天文下知量子物理 連心裡學和神經生物都不放過
他是沒事就在那邊拿Nature Neuroscience翻嗎? XD

那什麼叫”有意識的選擇 不過是事後承認的假象”?
這對我來講的確還是個稍嫌抽象的觀念

我一直覺得神經生物學家在做的事 跟不斷探討”存在”和”自我”的哲學家
或探究”意識”的心理學家非常相似 問題的本質是個無限的迴圈

就像是將我的腦剖開 接上256個電極 從電腦螢幕裡面看到我那因思考運作
而在不同區塊呈現紅黃藍綠神經脈衝和電磁共振的同時
強迫讓我思考並解釋我自己的腦如何運作 一個很詭異又會讓人上癮的情境

拿每天吃飯時對食物的選擇為例
我們一定會認為 選擇義大利麵 還是選擇牛肉麵 是有意識的 理性的選擇
因為我今天想吃點番茄 還是想吃點牛肉 所以我點他們?
但還是實際上 我們的大腦在意識到自己做了選擇之前 早已下了結論?
我們只是事後才被”告知” 被迫承認 但又下意識地騙自己選擇是自主的?

從高傲的人本觀點來看 這或許是很可怕的想法
我們一直都認為自己是萬物之靈 因為擁有動物所沒有的”意識”
或更形而上一點 “靈魂” 所以將人類這個物種區隔了出來 我們成了獨特的存在
於是人類有了宗教 相信神為了人創建了這個世界
神偏愛人類 也只救贖人類 因為我們是被挑選出來的一群

但還是實質上 我們只是因為大腦的演化到達了一個臨界點
於是在我們大腦運作的同時 開始有了”意識”這個副產物
於是”人”的概念 於焉成形?

在演化史上 這是個生理革命 意識的成形 讓動物的智能有了爆發性的成長
讓人類有了文明 征服了這個星球 而黑猩猩仍停留在動物 只能成為被征服者

但我想 這個成長並沒有反應在細胞和生理層次
或許這也是為什麼人類和黑猩猩的基因體序列 僅有0.5%的差別

所以人真的遠遠凌駕於動物之上嗎? 還是一切都只是我們的想像?
意識和選擇 不過是慾望和本能的副產物 我們大腦塑造出來的假象?